There is hope in all ..... every cloud has a silver lining

You've sent me the most beautiful pictures from your lighthouse in Porto Amboim - as far as the eye can see it is just ocean and beach - this pic caught my eye, because the colors of the ocean represented so much of your life - it reflected so much - it's like I almost saw into your soul.
I just want to let you know - the white with the color represents hope - I know good will endure from this. You are too special to ever let go! Right now he IS your life – but one day he will also be IN your life – justice always prevail and overcome
one day = I will give you a rainbow - a song, a dance, a beautiful waterfall of life - then we can embrace life or let it fly away - for now I treasure the times knowing you, talking to you, the times you are coloring my life with beautiful pastels, the compliments, the sexy times, the times you pick me up when I am down, one day I will walk with you on a beach, just to come and meet the flesh of the soul that is finding resonance in my own soul, till that day _ i treasure every minute spent on the internet and talking, reminiscing about life. One day I will give you back the heart you gave me to look after while you are away - that day we can cut and bruise it together should you decide to let go, or treasure it into more beautiful memories!

BROKEN

Today marks a day of history that is filled with joy, sadness, contempt, happiness ..... so many mixed feelings - I sometimes think this is the reason ....... the reason why I am ......

Let me not go there.

This song reminds me of you - so much of this song is what is /was in my heart ....... weird and wonderfull how a heart heals ..... stranger still is the way 1 trigger can rip it open again. Guess the heart never heals completely ....

Then again - I am healed 'cause there is so many other wonderfull people in my life - one quite far away, who is very special and dear, just a pity we cannot explore to change what we feel into something beautiful, maybe one day when he's back in SA.

The broken clock is a comfort

It helps me sleep tonight

Maybe it can start tomorrow

From stealing all my time

And I am here still waiting

Though I still have my doubts

I am damaged at best

Like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart I'm barely breathing

With a broken heart

That's still beating

In the pain

There is healing

In your name

I find meaning

So I'm holding on - I'm holding on - I'm barely holding on to you

The broken locks were a warning

You got inside my head

I tried my best to be guarded

I'm an open book instead

And I still see your reflection

Inside of my eyes

That are looking for purpose

They're still looking for life

I'm falling apart - I'm barely breathing.....

With a broken heart

That's still beating

In the pain - Is there healing?

In your name - I find meaning

So I'm holding on, I'm holding on I'm barely holding on to you

I'm hanging on another day

Just to see what you will throw my way

And I'm hanging on, to the words you say

You said that I will - I'll be okay!!!

Broken lights on the freeway

Left me here alone

I may have lost my way now

I haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart I'm barely breathing ...

With a broken heart

That's still beating

In the pain - There is healing

In your name - I find meaning

So I'm holding on = I'm barely holding on to you

As per LR .....thank you for the awesome words....

Make yourself happy, pursue your passions
Be the best at what you do.
Take care of yourself,
Don’t wait for someone else to take care of you.
Light your own path for your life
Don’t let other lead you to your destination.
Nobody completes your life – except you.

There will be mistakes along the way,
Let these be lessons - become experiences.
There will be wrong choices,
Let those mistakes make you wiser and stronger.
Do what you think is right,
Sometimes this will take courage, but will make you stronger.
The hardest of all is to learn to love,
But love unconditionally,
I must admit - this is something I really struggle with.

We allow .....

There's A LOT of things we simply allow in our life ... is this simply because we are trying to be nice, want to be liked, or are we allowing abuse??


Next time someone asks you to do something .......... THINK ......

Do not allow anything that is constantly absorbing 'own time' - life is such a rush, minutes rush by like seconds .... when was the last time you literally STOPPED and SMELLED the roses???
DO you realise - you , your body, your entire being needs to switch off from ALL around you and reserve a certain % in a day for yourself.

Do not lose yourself if others do not know how to manage their time.
Do not lose yourself if other's are 'using' you to benefit from, since they are simply too incompetent to live up to what is expected of them.

Do things that makes you smile, makes you laugh, gives your body time to rest ....
do things that ensures you spend time with family and / or friends, that can be counted as quality time.

Lift out the best in others - they do not always realise their own self worth ......make it transparent.

MOST of all

Explore life and give yourself breathing space - 'abuse' oxygen to recharge and re fuel that body .... time is one thing that we cannot change or turn back.
Never regret and say .... should've, would've, could've ... but I didn't do that ....

Life is precious - ensure you benefit and not just others ...

STOP and SMELL the roses .........
I do .......... so you see ..... it's fun to be me ..........

I want to know .......

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. Can you bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. Can you be trustworthy??
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty every day, can you source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon.
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Be TRUE to yourself ......

I've read a stunning book lately and the most beautiful quotes and metaphores to keep assist to keep your feet on the ground and staying modest and true to yourself.

Show me how you follow your deepest desires, spiralling down into the ache within the ache. And I will show you how I reach inward and open outward to feel the kiss of the Mystery, sweet lips on my own, everyday.

Don't tell me you want to hold the whole world in your heart. Show me how you turn away from making another wrong without abandoning yourself when you are hurt and afraid of being unloved.

Tell me a story of who you are,
And see who I am in the stories I am living. And together we will remember that each of us always has a choice.

Don't tell me how wonderful things will be . . . some day. Show me you can risk being completely at peace, truly OK with the way things are right now in this moment, and again in the next and the next and the next. . .


I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring. Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall, the place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will. What carries you to the other side of that wall, to the fragile beauty of your own humanness?

And after we have shown each other how we have set and kept the clear, healthy boundaries that help us live side by side with each other, let us risk remembering that we never stop silently loving those we once loved out loud.

Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance, the places where you can risk letting the world break your heart. And I will take you to the places where the earth beneath my feet and the stars overhead make my heart whole again and again.

Show me how you take care of business without letting business determine who you are. When the children are fed but still the voices within and around us shout that soul's desires have too high a price, let us remind each other that it is never about the money.

Show me how you offer to your people and the world the stories and the songs you want our children's children to remember, and I will show you how I struggle not to change the world, but to love it.

Sit beside me in long moments of shared solitude, knowing both our absolute aloneness and our undeniable belonging. Dance with me in the silence and in the sound of small daily words, holding neither against me at the end of the day.

And when the sound of all the declarations of our sincerest intentions has died away on the wind, dance with me in the infinite pause before the next great inhale of the breath that is breathing us all into being, not filling the emptiness from the outside or from within.

Don't say, "Yes!"
Just take my hand and dance with me.

M E M O R I E S

The things that makes you smile, sad, laugh, happy, content, confused, sorrow, heartache, bliss, re-live a moment ....... those r memories.
Good or bad - they are part of your life.
Learn from them and use them to make you happy ................

Last night i re-discovered the power of memories.

We all know the big part that music played in our lives when we were young, teen years, student years, those 'first' moments ...... first boyfriend, first special smile, first letter, first kiss, first love ....

Unreal how we link those memories to a song, era, artist.

To my friend that awakened those memories - thank you
To making new memories with him last night - sharing the music that makes me tick, him tick - this will spark memories in future to either be shared or re lived one day.

To another friend that awoke new memories this morning ............. yeah you've been through so much sadness in life - and as I've said ........ don't build those walls around your heart to ensure no one breaks your heart ever again ........ life your live my friend, break down those walls around your heart - warm up to life and friendship, only you can guard your heart, you know what makes you tick ........ those that do not understand or knows what makes you tick, they are simply not allowed in the deeper facets of your life .......... quite frankly - they shouldn't even read your clock.

Thank you to everyone playing a part in my life - wishing you fond memories when you think back on times we've spent together, may all we've shared be good and bright.

Philosophy on Life - Philosophy on Love

So you gut hurt in the past, you got burnt by love and you swore ....... never again.

Now you are passing up on opportunities on love, you've built walls around your heart and promised yourself that you will never allow anyone to hurt you like that again.

What are you doing ???

You are labeling everyone. And I know men all kinda have the same labels, true .... maybe I just haven't met the one with the right label, maybe they are all just fake labels, but we still fall for them, they still make us melt in the most peculiar ways.

Yes I know men are assholes, doen's mean we are not taken by them.
Look they charm us, wine us, dine us.
They have this horrible attitude on life - women love to be screwed.
Can I tell you one thing though, we hate being screwed over .............
Men has the attitude of 'the power in any relationship lies with the one that cares less and believe me, they've mastered that one.

Just note - power is not happiness.
Happiness is about caring more about someone than less.....

So ..... you are afraid of letting go, you are afraid of allowing yourself to feel again ...... blocking out for the sake of never feeling the hurt again.


Can I tell you one thing ....

Don't run away from love ...
Don't get scared when love comes knocking on your door ...
Don't cut someone short for the 'just in case they hurt me' scenario .....
You need to risk love ......
That doesn't mean you are not going to get hurt, but
Any pain that you will feel, will never compare to the pain of regret that comes from walking away from love.
Regret has a way of eating at you, gnawing at your heart, making you miserable .....
Regret can fill your whole being with remorse.
Don't let it happen ....... don't let yourself go........
Let someone special break down those walls you've built around your heart,
the stones will be lying at your feet, if needs be, you just pick them up and start building again.


Give that someone a chance - it might just be Mr Right .......
you wouldn't know if you don't try.

What if ....... that was sincerity.......and you blew it ...... would you be able to live with the regret????????

heartache

For every up - there is a down.

I choose to have more up's than down's.

But sometimes, despite all - i also hit a low, that rockbottom moment.
This is the time when questions pops into mind and you start doubting yourself.

Why on earth do people have these multiple personality problem, jeez why is it so difficult just to be honest and open about what you want in life - say what you want - then I will know when, where and how to approach you.
Then on the other hand ..... you get the people who brushes you off when it suits them and they are not in the mood to talk. But the moment they have their up moment, you have to stop all you are doing and fall in with their happy mood - AND - let's not forget, if you are down, they are not there for you, does not even pick up on your mood, BUT never ever be inconsiderate to their moodswings.

BUT ...........

I pick myself up again and just want to remind you of the words of an awesome song, Ben's Brother, I am who I am:

I am who I am, and you can't change me
I've done what I can, now I'll stand my ground
you're tying my hands if you re arrange me ... it all falls down ....

why, when you dream, you see me as something i'm not?
why don't you wake up and see all the good things you've got?
A heart isn't made out of clay - not something you shape with your hands.

Is the reason why you ask me to change, so that you'll stay the same?
well I'm sorry if I keep on dissapointing you again and again

I am who I am and you can't change me
I've done what I can, now I'll stand my ground
you're tying my hands if you re arrange me
it all falls down ........


Yet again - it's fun to be me ............ live your life the way you want to - i'll just be me ....

The Fun Continues

Endless fun time, me time, friend time!!!!!!
Girls day out - sunday 13 Sept - Sonel and I went on a fun girls breakaway for the day ....... having fun with her new car, time to indulge in all that is not always allowed ....

The birthday celebrations for 5 Sept, that has started on 22 Aug, ended on a high note.

Fun, entertaining, pleasurable, delightful, enjoyable,amiable - Upper Deck was naughty fun at it's best - when was the last time you flirted, just for the fun of it, just to see if you still had it, could still turn a switch ON?

Well it worked = like a charm, he falls hard, solid, and then DAMN - the guy is married, oh well aren't all the good guys anyway????

Too bad, so sad Mr J, you are losing out on a fun, exciting, sweet, intelligent, clever, bright, gifted, sharp girl and i am sure you are kicking your ass right about now - hope you appreciate your wife for putting up with your shit and your awfull ways ....... ok yes I was no angel, but the flirt part was to see how far the seducing part can go, and how was I suppose to know he was married - any which way - NOOOOOO, nothing else happened - what on earth do you take me for - not cheap ....... just fun and the next best thing to a crispy Martini ........

Eat your heart out J - you lose ..........

Achievement

You do things you hate - you do things you love, you do things that is requested of you ........

Despite all > sometimes something comes along > totally unexpected, and without realising how much you would enjoy it, you become the top award winner of hard work, commitment, extended hours of studying and cutting back on your social life.

The day before my graduation, i received a call from the IOB (Institute of Bankers) informing me that I've been selected as the top perfomer of the program, I was requested to prepare a speech for the occasion.

Totally out of my depth, I was thrown into speechwriting and the 'fear' of delivering a speech in a room full of people, delegates of the program, IOB and Bankseta executives, management and facilitators.

My dear brother in law - Errol, thank you for the speech tips and my exceptional 'ice breaker' - I had the entire crowd in stitches ........ they moment they laughed, I relaxed and my speech was smooth ................

To all my delegates in the program ......... this award goes to you, we have all worked very hard, put in a lot of hours on top of normal working hours.
May you all become top achievers in your different fields .............
SALUT

Winter has thrown off his icy coat and summer came fast - only to throw us back in winds of August that was skipped.

Let the winds blow - blow away everything that has died this winter, brown leaves, broken hearts, shredded dreams ........ come on, bring blooms of spring, fill the air with your sweet smell with awesome blooms of promise.

Take our breath away and let everyone see - it's fun to be me!!!!!!